This is “Where are you now?” All month long, and throughout December, on Ask a Manager I’ve been running updates from people whose letters were previously answered here.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
Remember that letter-writer who felt guilty about retiring at such a difficult time for his coworkers? Here’s the update.
First of all, I want to say wholeheartedly that I really valued all the advice given, and the various ways in which my anxiety about retiring was addressed helped me move forward and calm the guilt I was feeling. Thank you all for the advice, for taking the time and gathering your thoughts to present this.
I retired. I resisted all urges to stay a little longer (“just to get through this tough phase”). I silenced the arguments of coworkers who claimed they couldn’t possibly get along without me. I accepted compliments and parties, and accepted crying and laughing when people said kind things or shared stories. (Apparently, I’m an idiot.) It was cute. But I have been saying for years that I never want to become so indispensable to the organization that my departure would cause it to falter even slightly. (No one should ever be that indispensable in a large organization – that’s incredibly fragile!) I was able to calm my coworkers’ fears and did whatever I could to lift them up. I had more drop-in mentoring sessions and quickly scheduled coffees and meetings than ever before… which was fine, because I haven’t had much to do in the past month. The work had been pushed forward, and was already being managed very well.
One of the practices I fell into the habit of doing over those last few weeks was to write what I called “love letters” on behalf of my closest and most respected colleagues – usually people with whom I often worked on challenging puzzles or very strange situations, which had become my specialty. It was therapeutic to take the time to write to them (and copy their supervisors), point out their strengths, share my belief that they are great administrators, and thank them for specific contributions to the work we did together. I know one of those unsolicited messages made it into the promotion packet; Others were included in annual performance feedback (and also provided arguments for the modest pay increases we received). I received several letters from supervisors (whom I also generally know) thanking me and wishing me well. Wow!
I did this for a few reasons, but most importantly, I was heeding the advice/comments from AAM readers: my retirement will pave the way for the next generation of talented people to move forward in their work. I was already conscious of this: My transition plan included working with my coworkers and supervisor to study and reorganize my work, and it created promotion and development opportunities for several coworkers. (As far as I know, all of these are being remunerated.) I made myself available for questions, but my coworkers challenged me to work things out without calling them out… and they didn’t. at all. “We’ve got it!” His motto was – and he did. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t bitter…but gee. They were having fun!
However, I know it has been hard for them. I am very grateful that decisions about promotions, etc. were made before I left, because shortly thereafter, budget cuts were announced and my position will not be filled again. Some projects will slow down, but not stop completely; There may be tweaks and changes in others (and my absence makes it easier). Friends still reach out on a new Teams channel, where we’re sharing conversations about pets, crafts, hiking, and recipes.
My life after my last day? Reading, napping, projecting, long walks with the dog, traveling, consulting side-hustles… readjusting my blood pressure and energy levels, recognizing that life is different without constant work-related anxiety. Eliminate low-risk irritants. No new projects other than to intensify efforts to fight fascism and read (and participate in discussions on) the long list of books proposed to be banned or restricted in schools. I’m exploring it, but not looking for any specific charitable organization (sounds like work) or other employment (see above). I’ve got a great therapist, wonderful partner, and lovely friends, so I think I’ll get there. It’s still a little amorphous, but I’m enjoying the change.
