This is “Where are you now?” All month long, and throughout December, on Ask a Manager I’ve been running updates from people whose letters were previously answered here. Here are four updates from previous letter-writers.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
1. Adjusting to not having friends at work now that I’m everyone’s manager (#2 on link)
I wrote about loneliness at work after being promoted to location manager about six months ago. Overall, I feel much more comfortable! Some of my employees were promoted or otherwise transferred to different jobs, so the current group of people know me mostly as the boss. I’ve been thinking a lot about being friendly to employees, and new faces who weren’t my coworkers before have made it a lot easier to be an equally friendly boss to everyone. I’ve also been able to develop more communication with managers at other locations, which has helped. My most senior report has been doing a great job of taking over leadership and being in charge while I’m gone, which I think has relieved a lot of stress I didn’t even realize I was feeling.
As far as making other adult friends with young children, thanks everyone for your advice! Some of this I’ve tried (with limited success; Terminal Introvert, here), some of it will probably come in handy in the future. My wife stays home with the kids, so we don’t have daycare friends to stay with. I know I didn’t make it clear in my original letter, but I have a long-running hobby group once a week. I was having some trouble getting close to people there but I didn’t have the bandwidth to connect to anything else. Since then, I’ve become more strategic in trying to connect with others in that group and at my religious congregation, and it’s becoming easier to connect in both places.
So I may have to settle for a new kind of relationship with people at work, but I don’t have to settle for loneliness!
2. My team doesn’t want to work for a client whose politics they disagree with
Well, the big project we were starting work on at the time is nearing its end, so it’s still TBD on whether we’ll survive or not. 🙂 But as you recommended, I discussed it with upper management and our two top executives/bosses shared how they both are personally active in helping immigrants, which was good for boosting my team morale.
The client’s social media regarding this has gone quiet, thank God, and they have not tried to discuss any aspect of their organization with them within the scope of our project. We worked on some small pesky requests like the use of “America’s Gulf”, but I hope the tide against the administration is starting to build in our industry.
None of our other customers have received any requests of this type, so that’s good! Our biggest problem is the massive turnover among clients because their government jobs are so unstable right now that many people are leaving to work in the private sector.
UPDATE ON UPDATE:
I spoke too quickly. After the final proofing phase, they are now requesting that we swap photos to include some elected officials with members of ICE. I am feeling physically ill and my team wants to withdraw. Again, this is a huge project with huge financial impact for us, not to mention the time and resources we have put into it, bearing in mind that I first wrote to you in February.
3. What if hiring a spouse is really the best option?
Consistent with your advice, our church board all agreed that we did not want to hire the minister’s partner as music director, but somehow the HR committee allowed him to interview. The minister was so careful to stay away from it that she never even told her partner about the depth of her concerns, so it all came as a surprise to her partner in the interview. Luckily, the partner got a better offer and withdrew his application before we had to tell him we wouldn’t hire him.
Unfortunately, the second best candidate also backed out, so we had to start searching all over again. Luckily we found an amazing candidate who didn’t apply in the first round. Unfortunately, the partner/applicant issue inflamed emotions among the choir, who were convinced that the Minister had ousted the previous music director. (Not true, but it was a confidential HR issue so no one got the full details.)
Later work with conflict counselors convinced me that music directors are often the focal point of bad blood in meetings. It’s a tricky middle position, involving deep commitment and loyalty within the music program, and a leader whose skills and training are in music, not in religion or management or ministerial presence.
4. I am getting a lot of requests for practice exchanges (#3 on link)
I wrote after being flooded with requests for practice exchange trips. I took both your and the commenters’ advice to heart and shared it with my team.
A) I decided to point the requesters towards our university’s guests week, where people can visit all the units at once. The next one is in 1.5 years time, but at least it has something worth offering. I also send recordings that we already have.
B) I suggested, as someone did in the comments, that my team create a program and do short talks for each visitor. He thought it was a good idea.
C) I also took advice on choosing keeping my own benefit in mind, so I’m just saying ‘no’.
D) I’ve also been saying no to some invitations to Zoom networking and talks/workshops a lot, unless it’s really high-profile or we have pre-existing “diplomatic” relationships with the universities, or I really like the people. I now manage a team of six people and serve a target population of 2000, so I feel they should be my priority.
All the things I said yes to this year had a big impact, so I’m very happy. Thanks to everyone who gave advice!
