I’m on vacation. Here are some old letters that I’m refurbishing rather than leaving to wither in the archives.
1. Can I confiscate my co-worker’s screaming monkey toy?
Today, as has happened many times over the past few months, some of my close coworkers in our relatively small satellite office decided to play along This “screaming monkey toy.”
The noise it makes is very loud, especially in our small space, and I have already (politely) indicated to coworkers that I find the noise not only distracting, but extremely irritating. After the first time, I asked them if they could try not turning off the toy for those reasons. This toy has been used several times since then, each time I remind them that it is disruptive and unpleasant and can they please not play with it while other people are trying to work.
And yet the same thing happened today. Would it be rude of me to either remove the device producing the sound or otherwise destroy the toy?
No. Your need to focus on the task at hand outweighs their interest in playing with an obnoxiously loud toy over and over again. They are being rude, you have asked them to stop several times, and now you are fully entitled to make arrangements to release the monkey into the wild.
– 2019
Read the update of this letter here.
2. My boss wants us to go on an all-day rafting trip
My company hired a new director (Michelle) a few years ago. Since then, she has hired several new managers who actually share her same friendly personality. This is not negative in any way. But since then, I’ve seen a much greater emphasis on team-building programs. Some are learning over lunch, while others are based on silliness (like performing a skit based on random objects). And about a year ago, we were all asked to take an online personality survey and then Michelle coordinated an off-site day where we were trained on the 16 personality types, with an emphasis on achieving success by getting to know each other better.
Earlier this month, invitations were sent out for the company’s sales conference in August. I have been here for seven years and this is the first time I have been included in this. I have been involved in many successful new product launches over the last three years. Part of the event will be more team-building, coordinated by their appointed group. It turned out that I was assigned to Michelle’s group (she’s the team leader). There are about eight of us in the team. Michelle had a conference call to start things off, and we had to pick a name for our team and submit designs for t-shirts. He also told that we will be doing a full day rafting trip as a break-out programme. A few days later I emailed him to see if I could skip the rafting trip as I am a weak swimmer and not comfortable in deep water. She replied saying that the event was still four months away and she wanted me to focus on how to deal with the challenge, not how to get out of it. She compared it to the time she was afraid to go zip line two years ago, but overcame it. I was a little overwhelmed.
My wife, who met Michelle at our holiday party and really likes her, is convinced that Michelle is testing me to see how I react and this is my opportunity to impress her. With all the changes at our company, I can definitely see myself reporting directly to him someday and don’t want any stupid decisions to hurt my reputation. Can you give your opinion on what you would do?
Personally, I would say to Michelle, “For safety reasons, I will not be able to participate. I will plan the day to work on X and Y, unless you would like me to spend that time differently.” Note that the language is Say Tell him you won’t be attending, don’t ask him for permission to sit out. All you need to do is say that you are not participating in anything like this.
I would also consider adding, “There may be other people who have health conditions that make it difficult to participate, and I would love to see us choose a more inclusive activity.” Because it’s true – an all-day rafting trip is a big deal and there are a number of conditions people shouldn’t disclose to get out of it, including things she’s probably not even thinking about, like IBS.
Take a look at this and this. And hell, for good measure, this too.
– 2019
3. I got chastised for taking the initiative
I work as a staff member for the executive office of a membership organization that has a council made up of members. A council member recently emailed me asking me if it was possible to complete Task X relatively easily and quickly. I thought it was strange that he was emailing me directly instead of going through the normal channels of the executive office, but I politely told him I would look into it. As it turned out, complying with his wishes was no big deal. This was an easy solution that took 10 minutes. So I executed Task I told him it was a simple solution that would solve a problem that our members found troubling.
The response from our technology VP – an email sent to me imitating my boss – was that I violated protocol by creating and publishing a solution before consulting with the department head and without contacting my boss. I immediately replied, apologizing if I crossed my limits. But I said the solution is only visible to four people: me, the VP, my boss, and the department head. I have not made it public. I deliberately won’t bring things out to the public until I get permission from them and the green light. No response after that.
I am a little surprised by the Vice President’s reaction. I solved a complex problem. And I did it with minimum cost of time, manpower and money. Still I got a warning for it. What must be going through the VP’s mind with this kind of reaction?
It’s hard to say without knowing the specifics, but I can think of a lot of things I wouldn’t want an employee to do without checking with me first, even if on the face of it it seems like a good idea, because I might have background or context they didn’t know about and that would make it No Really a good idea. I wouldn’t see this as being punished for taking the initiative, but rather as finding out that you should involve others before making changes in this category of things (and possibly in other categories too – this might be a good opportunity to align with your boss about what you can pursue yourself and when you should check in with someone else).
– 2015
Read the update of this letter here.
3. We should stay late “out of courtesy” to other coworkers
I have been at my job for six months. This is an industry I have been in for 18 years and where I have always worked hard, earned appreciation for my skills and shown a collaborative spirit. I’ve never been scolded for not being a “team player”, but there is an unwritten rule in this job that “you stay until everyone else has left, even if you have completed all your tasks.” One employee who has been there for a few years called it a pack mentality. She doesn’t agree but stays because she feels obliged. I can’t wrap my head around it. I feel like because it’s a small team of young employees, they’ve been instilled in this mentality and it’s not healthy, but I’m new and hesitant to talk about anything I feel is inappropriate. I’m not talking about not wanting to stop and help when there’s something I can actually do to get everyone out on time, I’m talking about being asked to stop because it would be obvious I’m leaving when others won’t.
Usually I’ll just sit there and think about what I should do, then after wasting a few minutes of time I’ll leave. But one evening last week I was done packing and I messaged my boss asking if I could help. She said no, but asked if I could maybe stay another 10-20 minutes because if I left it would be obvious since everyone else couldn’t stay. I went to her office to debate the request because I really needed to go home, but she got a call and when I informed her I needed to go she turned me down. The next day he didn’t mention anything and neither did I.
I guess I feel strongly about it because I’m the only one in the building who has kids and I switch places with my husband as soon as I get home from work because he works nights. The sooner I can free him from his fatherly duties and give him rest, the better. If I’m wrong in feeling that this is inappropriate and weird, I’d like to know so I can readjust my thinking.
No, you are not wrong. Your coworkers should be able to understand that people may leave at different times depending on their workload that day. (And it’s likely that they understand it just fine, and that’s entirely your manager’s business.) Plus, people are generally happier about staying late sometimes when they don’t have to do so without reason. This is a misuse of your time and a ridiculous practice.
I would say this to your boss: “I can certainly stay late when my workload requires it, but I have child care responsibilities at home and I can’t stay late just because other people aren’t ready to go right now. So unless there’s something that specifically requires work from me – which, again, I’m happy to take care of – I have to leave in the evening after the day’s work is done. I wanted to tell you because I feel like That it may be a distraction from the work of others.”
– 2019
